Since then, we just kept up appearances, living quietly day by day. But it must have been harder on my husband than anyone. Not only could he not have the child he so desperately wanted, but his own wife told him to “go take care of his needs elsewhere”… Even so, he never stayed out overnight and was always kind. Aside from the lack of intimacy, our life together remained unchanged. For me, the lack of sex actually meant less stress, but I was living my life by essentially putting a lid on the problems we truly needed to face. Parents and friends asked, “Any kids yet?” all the time. But every time they did…
Thinking about it that way, the tears just started falling. Yoichi is having a baby? Really? No, that’s impossible. I looked into everything so thoroughly back then… But that was three years ago. Could a miracle have happened in that time? I found myself crying at the thought that my husband might actually have a child—that he might have a future where he finally gets to hold a baby of his own. I hurried to find a company that does prenatal DNA testing and sent her an email. Now, all I can do is wait for her reply…