Ever since I was little, I never got a single thing I actually wanted. My mom told me over and over that I was an “accident” and she only had me because she “had to.” “I never wanted to give birth to you,” “You ruined my life,” “If only you didn’t exist”—I heard those words more times than I can count. She gave me the bare minimum to survive—food and a roof over my head—but she never gave me the one thing I wanted most: a mother’s love.
(If I can just have his baby… Yoichi will be mine…) I had never wanted “someone” so badly in my entire life. I was desperate to get pregnant, but no matter what I tried, it just wasn’t happening. When I’d get home, my mom would be there, drunk as usual. “Hey, you haven’t been working much lately, have you? I’m running low on cash!” Always begging me for money. (I have to get out of here. Fast. If I can just get pregnant… I can finally live with Yoichi.) I ended up sleeping with some guy I met online just to get pregnant.
But now that the truth is out, it turns out Yoichi is infertile, his wife is demanding a DNA test, and my mom is still telling me to drop dead… Nobody actually gives a damn about me. If I have this baby, I’ll probably just end up being a terrible mother like mine anyway. Since I can’t be with Yoichi, maybe it’s better if I just disappeared from this world— “It matters! It matters more than you know!!” The person who raised her voice and looked me straight in the eye with total sincerity was Yoichi’s wife.