I’m Mariko (38). My husband, Yoshihiro (38), and I have a family of four with our son, Yuma, and daughter, Rina. Overall, I’d say we’re a happy family, but… out of nowhere, I’m sometimes overcome with intense resentment toward my husband. Even when I’m smiling and feeling content, the smallest trigger can spark a flashback of what he did to me in the past. Once that happens, a wave of distrust and uncontrollable rage washes over me, and I just can’t shake it off. It all started back when our oldest was just learning to walk.
As a first-time mom, I had gotten into the habit of carrying him even when it was exhausting. He wouldn’t walk much and would cry whenever I didn’t hold him, so I just felt bad for him. I kept telling myself I just needed to push through it a little longer.
Of course, it was tough on me at times. But he would fuss whenever my husband tried to hold him, and my husband never really stepped up to carry him anyway. So, I convinced myself, “I guess that’s just how mama’s boys are.”
That day, however, we were traveling a long distance for our very first sports game, and my shoes were blistering my feet.