My name is Koji. I’m raising three daughters with my wife, Keiko—Ayane, a second-year middle schooler; Kaori, in fourth grade; and Madoka, who’s six. We both work, and Keiko still takes an active role in the house and with the kids, so I’m endlessly grateful to her. I also have a younger sister, Nao, who’s ten years younger than me. Growing up, our parents always told us, “Siblings should stay close no matter what.”
So when Nao got married and had her daughter, Rin, I naturally thought that from then on, all of us—including my daughters—would stay close as one big happy family. But Keiko didn’t share that value system, and we clashed over it more than once. In the end, my mother and Keiko went head-to-head. When I casually mentioned it to a coworker, one of my female subordinates tore into me, and that’s when I seriously took a hard look at myself.
I still believe that siblings getting along is a good thing. But I finally realized that forcing that idea onto your partner is wrong. When she pointed out that I was unconsciously thinking of Keiko as someone who had “married into my family,” it hit uncomfortably close to home. The real foundation should have been independence—leaving our parents’ household and choosing to connect as equals.
It’s honestly embarrassing to learn something like that from someone younger than me, but I’m glad I did. Keiko and I were able to talk things through properly, and from here on out, I want to keep putting our family first.